my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
