its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
