i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
