So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
