So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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