For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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