I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
