I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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