just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
