brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
