So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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