Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
