puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize