I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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