can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize