U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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