The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
