You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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