Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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