did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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