So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
