Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
