you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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