Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Randomize
