i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
