I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we're making bets on your personal life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
