the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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