I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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