The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
