I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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