Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
