ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize