In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
