oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
