I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
