i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
