I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
