just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
