Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
