what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
