Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize