So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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