you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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