good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We got so high we made milksteak
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
