from now on my penis is your penis
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
