why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
