You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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