Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
