Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
