he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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