Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
