I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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