we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
