Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
