and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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