thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
