He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
