so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
