well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize