Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
