I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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