I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
