god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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