He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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