After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
