i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize