Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
