Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
